MOVED

how to be truly "all about it"

(near the west virginia border)

I was in Safeway tonight, held up in line while a young guy and the cashier tried to wrestle a giant pack of diapers over the scanner. Another guy behind him started an enthusiatic conversation about raising small children. It was awkwardly one-sided and I kind of hoped he didn't talk to me, but we were all saved by an angry latin woman yelling about how they'd scammed her. As she waved her receipt around like a badly-weighted epee, conversation guy popped open an box of nuts he hadn't paid for and turned to me wide-eyed.

"Wow! Man."

I looked down at my instant grits. "This place is never boring,"

"I know," he said, bobbing up and down and throwing barbecued almonds into his mouth. "Life's fun, right?"

Smithsonian Kite Festival

A day on the Delmarva Peninsula

"Hi, I was driving by and I saw your farm, I've always wanted to try unpasteurized milk..."
"We haven't had any cows in years."
"There's a cow on your sign."
"It's a bit misleading, yes."
"What do you do?"
"We're a grain farm. Do you want a tour?"

So this guy took me for a tour of his grain farm, pointing out exactly how awesome each piece of machinery was. He gave me directions to a creamery and told me to hurry up, because they're probably milking the cows pretty soon.

Eight crazed farm dogs charged me when I pulled into the driveway. I walked up to the house and knocked, where four more dogs and a ten year old girl came to the door.



"Uh, are your parents around?"
"I ain't know where they at."
"I mean, are they on the farm?"
"I don't know. You can talk to Juan, he's doing manure."

Juan was riding a Bobcat through a herd of unamused livestock and their feces. I managed to flag him down, standing in an inch of poop behind a cow with an udder sac four times the size of my head. Juan didn't speak a word of English, but after asking me if I was immigration he dialed his boss and handed me the phone.

"Hi, so I'm on your farm, and I'd like to try some unpasteurized milk..."
"Ah well, I'm at the horse track. I don't know where my wife is at. We can't sell the stuff, but if I were there I'd certainly just give you some."
"Okay, I'll come back some other time."
"No no, you ain't came all the way out here for nothing. You go in that creamery there and take some cheese outta that big steel fridge. Just take some cheese, it's free for you."

So now I'm walking through the buildings on this farm, just taking stuff out of fridges, and nobody gives a shit but the dogs. Defeated but carrying free cheese, I stopped to pee. It took me a minute to realize I was surrounded by five mangled geese and I thought it was probably time to go home.






Spring soon. VROOM!

a spring tease

in which four daring souls mount mechanical stallions;
revisit a childhood forest full of danger and delight;
face the dreaded cat-tail with heads held high;
wet their feet in the tepid swamp of adventure;
and ultimately return home, inching ever closer to a life well lived.

nice weather for bikes

In five years I don't think I'd ever once seen the Chesapeake Bay. I checked out Annapolis a while ago, but the weather's been so terrible that riding a bike is like hanging on to an airplane wing.

But Sunday! Sunday was 55 and sunny and there was no way I was missing a chance like that. I picked out a spot on the map an drove there.

I couldn't believe how well it all turned out. I found some amazing spots I'd never even heard of, wandered through a winter dry-dock without a person in sight and talked to a dozen people in a bar*. They told me about the town, their jobs, their marriages and divorces, and somehow it was all fascinating. Spring is only a month away and I can't wait to do this more often.

*it's worth noting that the only beer under "imported" was Yuengling. trust me, that's hilarious.

more inauguration